Having an Opinion & Wedding Dresses

Sylvia gave me an out at the very beginning of planning the wedding that if there was anything I didn’t care about with regards to the event, then let her know. She didn’t want me making stuff up just to have an opinion and I’m really grateful for that even though there has only been maybe one instance so far where my eyes glazed over and it was clear that I had no idea what I was being asked and very likely didn’t have an opinion either.

Honestly though, there could be some totally awesome epic miscommunication if I did that. “Sylvia, why do we have a tie-dyed cake with flashing lasers on top?” “You told me you thought it was a great idea and even convinced me to go along with it!” “Oh, I probably just zoned out and said a bunch of stuff.” “Aaaaaaaaaarggggggh!” The newly minted marital strife would be totally worth it because eventually there would be kids/grand kids and they would think mom/dad/grandma/grandpa were totally awesome and bonkers when they saw the photos.

Anyway, I like having the option to at least have a say even if most of the brilliant ideas, work and planning are coming from Sylvia. I’m sure she appreciates being in a situation knowing that there’s generally a second brain floating around that she can bounce ideas off of. It’s a pretty symbiotic situation because I’m not trying to exert any control  or sabotage anything and she gets to be a font of ideas that might get tempered by a completely different viewpoint. It works, or at least it seems like it in my mind.

However, the one thing I want nothing to do with and have been quite vocal about not having a say is the dress. I don’t want to have any particular influence on how she looks on the day itself. I feel this way for two reasons primarily.

First, I don’t want to unintentionally pressure her into looking or being a certain way on our wedding. I feel like it’d be tainting the spirit of it if she ends up wearing something she’s not 100% comfortable and happy with all because she thinks I want to see her in something in particular. I know she’ll look great regardless so I want her to look great as she herself wants to express it. She’s got enough bombardment coming from the monster that is the wedding industry as well as everything else; the last thing she needs is a little voice from me that says, “suspenders, tulle, gold lamé & shoe polish are so charming all at the same time”. That could cause some serious confusion. I’ve got a totally open mind about what she could wear too and it’s kind of fun guessing. If she showed up down the aisle wearing a frog suit, I’d be laughing and crying at the same time because it would be hilarious and a wedding is a time for joy, right? Also, I’m sure she could pull it off. Let me take a moment to state, Sylvia, don’t take that as a hint that you should necessarily wear a frog suit to our wedding. Wear what you want, I’ll be delighted regardless. Just don’t dress up in a chicken costume. I think that’s my only request.

Secondly, and along the lines of guessing, I want to not know going in. I can’t really put my finger on why, but my best guess is that there’s some small part of me that remembers my roots and wants desperately to cling to some semblance of tradition no matter how small. And seriously, there’s something really awesome about not knowing what she’s going to look like. I like surprises. Most people like surprises, especially the kind that everyone looks forward to, but I really like surprises of anything that’s a not-work variety. Also, I’m the king of being surprised by everything, but only if I have no clue or hint as to what’s going on. Granted, that’s more often than I’d probably like to admit, but I have a feeling I have more fun in general because of it.

Even given all that and how I feel about it, Sylvia’s still having a rough time of it and I’m actually starting to think that she wants to tell her what to wear just so she doesn’t have to consider so many options anymore. She bought some fabric in India in case she wanted to go the custom route with a dress, but the last time it came up in conversation, she had four vastly different dresses that she’s fallen in love with she has no idea what to do about it. I can’t fathom what that’s like and it makes me feel bad that I feel the way that I do about it, but I don’t think I’d be of any real use in helping her pick out a dress even if I wanted to. I probably would end up Mr. Magoo-ing my way into picking something with suspenders, tulle, gold lamé with a today-only special of shoe polish on the side.

I feel like a total cheater in comparison. You know what I’m wearing to the wedding? A suit. I have no sense of personal style and am kind of colorblind, so I’ll get some help picking everything out, but it’ll be easy and there won’t be a million styles to choose from. I’m going to guess right now that the color will likely be a shade of brown because I love earth tones and have already been told I look good in them. If that changes, I won’t be worried because it’s a suit and a tailored suit nearly always looks damned good. Suits really are kind of cheating though just because of the reduced hassle and the fact that they don’t make suits that cost $2,000+ for a one time occasion unless you’re super fashionable, rich or both. The worst part of it is that knowing Sylvia and her great sense of style, I’ll end up getting a suit that I will actually wear outside of my wedding. It’s a shame that we’re told that the same can’t be said about the dress. I know there are movements to reclaim wedding dresses and do all kinds of fun stuff with them, but they’re not visible enough as far as I’ve noticed. I’d say at least you could giant-shadowbox your dress and call it art, but that makes me think of Beetlejuice for some reason. I have no idea what that says about my subconscious.


Tags: ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: